Follow Up: Would I Attend the Wedding of a Gay Family Member or Friend?

IMG_0632-5Three months ago I asked this question. One of my friends, Kevin Burr, stated that he would and then for his reasons, cited several passages in the Bible that centered around “love.” Kevin did what every sincere disciple of Jesus Christ ought to do, that is, filter your decisions through what you believe God had declared in Scripture. Whether you agree or disagree, this is on the only commendable approach for a genuine Christian.

After thinking about this question, I realized that I took the professor-approach. I never actually answered the question personally. Before I state my view, let me say upfront that my position is not necessarily the right position. Now, I hold the view I do because I believe it is the responsible view to hold, but I am willing to admit that Jesus could tell me I am wrong. This is where we as Christians need humility. There is room for disagreement on these type of issues so long as we are all searching God’s heart and Word with a sincere desire to both know and obey what is revealed. If we happen to end up on opposite sides of the fence, surely we can still respect the fact that each one of us approached the issue with the same desire…to honor God as best we know how.

With no further ado, here is my personal stance: I would not attend the wedding of a gay family member or friend. I hope you will hear my heart on this sensitive issue.

My first thought was, “Shouldn’t I go because God commands me to love people, and by going, I am loving that individual at a very exciting moment in his/her life?” This argument from my standpoint possesses a strong, intuitive appeal. However, it is not strong enough to persuade me. Here is why. Ultimately, when I attend a wedding, I am not celebrating an individual nor am I celebrating the right for each individual to make personal choices. When I personally attend a wedding, I believe that I am implicitly declaring by my presence, “This is union is good, worth celebrating, and am in support of marriage. Congratulations and I wish you the best!” But how can I do that? How can I celebrate a union that is condemned in Scripture? How can I pretend that the sin is not that big of a big deal because of my love for that person? Birthdays are meant to celebrate the person. Weddings, on the other hand, are to confirm and celebrate a union. Though love is paramount and the expression of it commanded, this by no means precludes moral discernment and the fact that our behavior is a moral endorsement of that which grieves God’s heart.

So, what would I do? The week before, I would call my gay friend and ask him/her to coffee. I would explain my heart. It would be a very difficult conversation for both of us. For days leading up to this conversation I would be in prayer that God would help that person see my heart and as a friend, respect my convictions. I would pray against the enemy distorting my words in order to hurt that person. No doubt, my decision will still hurt that person, but so does their decision to enter a cursed union hurt me. So because I love the person, I would want to explain my pending action in detail, but because a wedding celebrates more than just a person, I would not attend.

This is my stance.

I have presupposed in this article that the gay lifestyle is a sin. Below is a quick glance (extremely quick) of the clarity with which the Bible declares homosexuality to be sin.

Before answering, I believe with all my heart that people should have the right to be with the person they desire to be with (this is not necessarily an endorsement of gay marriage per se) just like I believe a person should have the political freedom to choose any religion they see fit (or no religion).

Though hotly debated over the past couple of decades, the Bible is really clear that the gay lifestyle is a sin. Paul wrote in Romans 1:24-27, Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. 25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. 26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, 27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.”

The gay lifestyle is presented here not just as sin, but as one of the darkest expressions of sin when depravity runs wild. Though sin is sin and all sin requires the blood of Christ (in this regard, we are all alike, and this in turn contains the call for us to love gays just as God loves us), it does appear that on the darkness continuum, gayness is toward the end of the spectrum. In addition, a close examination of 1 Corinthians 6:9 in the original Greek also puts to rest any debate about the moral status of homosexuality from a Christian standpoint. And the argument that Sodom and Gomorrah was condemned for a lack of hospitality rather than homosexuality commits the following error: This moral assessment rests on a needless either/or distinction. Even if a lack of hospitality was part of the reason these two cities were judged, this does not imply that homosexuality was not part of the equation. From God’s perspective, it could easily have been a case of both/and.


Published by B.J. Condrey, PhD

Dr. Condrey holds a Bachelor of Arts in both Philosophy and Psychology from the University of Missouri-KC, a Master of Arts in Philosophy from the University of Southern Mississippi, and a Ph.D. in Ethics & Practical Theology from the University of Edinburgh. He is ACSI certified. Dr. Condrey writes courses and teaches Psychology, Bible, and C.S. Lewis at Enlightium Academy, where he began working in 2016. He has served as a youth, young adult, and small group pastor in the local church, and currently teaches Ethics at the University of Southern Mississippi. He has a book published by Wipf & Stock (Breaking Ground) along with other publications. In his spare time, he enjoys reading and writing, spending time with his family, traveling, trout fishing, family hikes, and drinking coffee! He is passionate about helping young people construct a biblical worldview so that their faith involves both the mind and heart. He has been married since 2009 and has two children.

2 thoughts on “Follow Up: Would I Attend the Wedding of a Gay Family Member or Friend?

  1. i believe this is also my family’s view and I am so sorry you feel this way. As a fellow Christian who is both gay and married, I have found that 1 Corinthians 13 is the best to read whenever you disagree with someone else.


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