Dr. BJ Condrey

Have you ever wondered why Joseph would divorce Mary if they were only engaged? If you have not asked yourself this, then it might be time to read more slowly and carefully. As a 21st-century Westerner, some of what is said in the Bible will not make sense at first glance. The question then presents: Will we keep going and gloss over such questions or will we dig, study, think, ask questions, read, and figure out what is going on in a particular passage? I hope the latter! If we don’t understand what is going on in certain passages, how can we answer the questions of both believers and non-believers alike?

Be a thinker. Grapple with the text. Ask questions. Let the Bible bother you.

Matthew 1:18–19 reads: “This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.”

So how do we make sense of this? It is actually straightforward. All we need to know is that engagement in ancient Judaism was very different than engagement in a Western context. Dr. Craig Blomberg, a New Testament Scholar and Distinguished Professor Emeritus of the New Testament at Denver Seminary in Colorado, writes:

The situation described in these verses is Joseph’s legal engagement to Mary. If typical Jewish custom were followed, she may well have been still a young teenager. Joseph may have been considerably older. Engagement in ancient Judaism was legally binding and required divorce if it were to be broken, but sexual relations and living together under one roof were not permitted until after the marriage ceremony. Joseph could therefore be spoken of already as Mary’s husband, but Matthew emphasizes this was “before they came together. (see the note below for the bibliography).

If this is a question that you have asked or something that has bothered you in the past, then I hope this helps. I think every Christian, whether a single mom, mechanic, or professor, should have a few extra-biblical sources on hand to consult. Of course, which sources you have make a huge difference. Ask a parent, friend, mentor in the faith, or pastor for one or two good resources that you can buy and have on hand. There is also a plethora of online sources as well as ChatGPT, but you never know what ChatGPT will tell you although it can be very helpful. When I asked about this topic, ChatGPT provided the following:

In the context of Jewish customs and laws at the time of Joseph and Mary, the term “engagement” was understood differently than it is today. In ancient Jewish culture, when a couple was betrothed, it was much more binding than modern engagements. This period of betrothal was essentially the first part of the marriage process, legally binding, and could only be broken through a formal process akin to divorce. Matthew 1:19 refers to Joseph considering divorcing Mary quietly after he found out she was pregnant. During their betrothal period, discovering that a betrothed woman was pregnant (with a child not belonging to her betrothed) would typically be considered evidence of adultery, a serious offense. Joseph’s intention to divorce her quietly was a way to handle the situation without exposing her to public shame or more severe consequences under the law at the time. This distinction between betrothal and marriage in ancient Jewish law and custom is crucial for understanding the narrative in Matthew 1. The betrothal was a legally binding agreement, and breaking it, even before the couple lived together or consummated the marriage, required a formal process like divorce.

Sources Used:

• ChatGPT-4 (the long quote)
• Craig Blomberg, Matthew, vol. 22, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1992), 57.