“I Want My Voice To Be Special”

IMG_2408A couple of weeks ago changed my life…forever. Allison gave birth to our first son, Ezra Max Condrey. I love him so, so, so much and he has never done one thing for me. For the last 4-5 months of Allison’s pregnancy, she kept telling me to talk to Ezra while he was in the womb. She informed me that research shows that not only could Ezra hear me, but that he is able to start learning and eventually recognizing my voice. This way, when the child is born, he would be able to recognize my voice, bond with me quicker, and know that I am not just “another” person in his life. By talking with him for months pre-birth, I would be preparing him to recognize my special role in his life. This meant the world to me, so I took advantage of this and began, especially in the 2nd and 3rd trimester, to talk to him all the time.

So here we are a tad bit over two weeks since Ezra entered the world. It would take too much time to express all of the wonderful things I feel toward my son. That being said, I found myself feeling something a little odd the other day. I discovered the other day that out of nowhere, I was afraid that he wasn’t recognizing my voice. I was afraid that my voice was not that much different to him than other people who had said something to him. I have no doubt that he is bonding with Allison for two reasons: (1) She carried him for 9 months, and (2) She is breastfeeding. But here I am. What can I do right now to bond? How can I make sure that I am someone just as special in his life right now? I may be too early for me to expect him to recognize the God-given role of daddy I have been given to him. Yet, I thought it interesting that out of my love for my son, I have at moments come face to face with a quiet little fear that he might not yet be recognizing my voice. I think he is to some degree which is absolutely amazing. But my point is that, as his dad, I want my voice (along with Allison’s of course) to be absolutely set apart, distinct, and like no other in his life. I want that special place in his heart. I want him to feel love, peace, strength, courage, security, and a host of other wonderful emotions when he hears that I am somewhere near. And, if I am honest, I don’t want anybody else’s voice to do that for him quiet as much as mine. I am his dad. I want to be that special in his life. I am jealous for him to see that nobody will love and fight for and protect him more than me.

Then, my thoughts shifted to my/our heavenly Dad. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that He must feel the exact same. Matter of fact, He probably experiences this jealous love to a degree that my psychological inner circuitry will not even allow. He wants that special place of trust in my heart. He wants, as my Dad, to be able to do in me and for me with His voice what no one else can. He is jealous to fill my/your life with his voice. Psalms 29 is a wonderful meditation upon the power and comfort that comes to us through God’s speaking.

God wants to speak.

God wants His voice to be to me/you what no one else’s voice can be.

He is our Dad, and though we might not understand everything as Christians, He is hoping that when He walks into the room, our head turns to find Him even if we don’t know everything about Him.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.”

(Jesus – John 10:27)

And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,’ whenever you turn to the right or to the left.”

(Isaiah 30:21)


Jesus Really Meant It

The Bible is clear: God wants to speak to people in a very personal way. Christianity was never meant to be a monologue. He loves us, and when you turned your life over to Christ, at that moment you became His Son. John wrote, “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12). A good dad loves to speak to his child.

Sometimes God speaks an encouraging word. It is sad that many Christians have never experienced this because their only filter for God’s voice is one of harshness. The only time they believe God is speaking is when He is beating them up. I know a man once who literally said, “If I do not leave church feeling a little condemned, I don’t feel like I have gone to church.”

Sometimes God delivers a convicting word.

And then, there are times God comes with a simple word to take you to another level. He wants to deposit something in you. He wants you to wrestle with something. He wants you to call out to the Holy Spirit to teach you and form you into the revelation he is sharing. This is what has been happening to me this week. For about 4 days now, I cannot escape the New Testament idea that as a follower of Christ, I am to put other people’s needs before my own.

Matthew 22:39 – The 2nd Greatest Commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Philippians 2:3-4 “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Romans 12:10 “…in honor giving preference to one another.”

More specifically, God has been showing me this in the context of my marriage. Jesus, who without doubt modeled this for us, calls us to a life of putting other people’s needs first. This does not mean that you are a doormat for an abusive person to take advantage of you. This does not mean that you are being selfish when you allow someone to serve you and put you first. This does not mean that you are only to give and never receive. This does not mean that you can’t ever say, “No.”

What it does mean is that, as an overall attitude and daily practice, I am to put other people’s needs first. This is easy to say and easy to preach, but let’s be honest, how many of us are genuine enough in our faith that we have taken this aspect of Christ to heart? The Lord has been telling me this week that He wants me to embrace, with all my heart, this preferring-others-first mentality toward my wife. I have a long ways to go. It is even more convicting that my wife so often models this toward me. I can’t do it alone. I need the Holy Spirit to supernaturally work from the inside-out as I play my heart. My job is to ask for this kind of heart and then step out and live like I have it until it becomes me. The Holy Spirit will take the mask I am stepping into and work it into the fabric of my being. That is what I want. I want this first and foremost as a person that follows Christ, not as a pastor. The Lord wants me to model Christ first in my home, not last.

So this is what Jesus has been messing with me about this week. I love the Lord and I want to please Him. I have always loved the simplicity of Paul’s statement in Colossians 1:10: “…that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him…” Fully pleasing him. Yes.

So, are you a Christian? Then the Scripture is speaking to you. Does everyone have to cater to you or do you cater to others? I am not talking about being a people-pleaser. I am talking about laying down your life to meet other people’s needs in the name of Jesus. It may be something that takes 5 seconds or 5 minutes. Matter of fact, if you will start small, it will grow on you. It is in the small things that values take root and grow in our hearts. Put others first. If you are married, put him/her first. I’m serious. Really put them first. You might even ask your spouse what that would look like. Let your spouse help by telling you how you can better serve him/her.

When you are tired, put others first.

When you are frustrated, put others first.

When you want to shoot off your mouth, put others first.

When someone needs food, put others first.

When you do not want to give up time to serve in some capacity in the local church, put others first.

When you do not want to stop by the grocery store but your spouse needs something, put others first.

When you want to quietly manipulate someone once again because you know you can get your way, put others first.

When you think you are right and want to stand your ground, put others first.

Will you and I follow Christ with ALL our hearts? I want to. It is easy to raise hands to a worship song or even read your Bible. But will you put others first? Especially those closest to you? This is where the rubber meets the road.

My Two Books

In case you are new to this blog, if you click on the three bars in the upper right hand corner of the page a drop box will appear. You will see a place to click that will take you to the Amazon website where you can buy one or both of my two books. They are both available in eBook and print format. Each book is about something I am passionately pursuing in my own life. I want to be about God’s business (Book #1) as well as experience Him deeply through His word (Book #2). The second book in particular is one of my life messages. I believe they have the potential to help, challenge, equip, teach, and grow every Christ-follower no matter where you are at in your journey. If you purchase, please please please leave feedback on the Amazon store.

1. “Where Does God Go?” – This book is primarily for Christians. God has always been a place we can go, but how many of us have returned the favor? It is time for Christians everywhere to grant God the freedom to come and break our hearts with the things that break His. A reorientation is in order. If you want God’s heart to beat in your chest, then this book is for you.

2. “The Word As a Vehicle” – The Scriptures (i.e. the Bible) can be read historically, for pleasure, for literary purposes, for wisdom, and/or for pure knowledge. There is a place and time for each of these. But above all, God intended His Word to be a vehicle. You get in a vehicle to go somewhere. It is no different with the Bible. The Lord has given His Word to us so that we can more easily access His Presence. Reading the Bible is about you and Him experiencing each other.