People Are More Important


Pride or Relationships?

Your choice.

But you cannot have both. Over the last few days, a man was sharing with me that after years, he finally reconnected with someone in his family. That’s right, years. And the person lived in the same town. You know how the story goes. An offense leads to a few days of silence. Then, the few days turns into a couple of weeks. Before you know it, a month has passed. At this point, you stand at a crossroads. You are in dangerous territory. The longer you wait to make things right with someone, the more humility is required. It becomes more difficult, near impossible. Negative emotions have festered. Negative thoughts have run rampid. The passing of time also makes it easier to convince yourself with impressive, elaborate rationalizations that you really aren’t at fault. He should have to make the move. She started it.

The bottom line: pride takes over. It’s the nature of the beast. I actually mean that literally…it really is the nature of the Beast. Friend, you are not going anywhere in your spiritual life if unforgiveness is in your heart. And do not be so quick to say, “I have already forgiven that person.” We hate feeling negative emotions. The problem is sometimes we are in such a hurry to quit feeling unpleasant emotions that we convince ourselves that we are over it, that we have forgiven someone, while this is not necessarily the case. Out of sight does NOT necessarily imply out of mind. The expression is not accurate. The offense may simply be lying in the subconscious part of your mind.

Jesus teaches His children, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. [15] But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). Ok, so, I am not going to spend time discussing what this Scripture really means. Seems somewhat problematic from a grace angle. But without getting into any theological debates, it is safe to conclude from these words that you and I will not come within 100 miles of the intimacy He wants nor within 100 miles of His fulness and purpose if we do not forgive.

And one last note. If you are always getting offended, you are too important in your own eyes. Only an insecure heart always gets offended. Why? Because in their eyes, everything is about them. At times, you just need to let things go. At other times, you need to go and apologize. You sinned. You did something wrong. And if you do not humble yourself, pride will annihilate one of the only things that really will last into eternity. What? What you do for people in the name of The Lord.

When I stop and think about it, especially as a Christian, I am overwhelmed by the idea that we sometimes do not think twice about choosing pride, a defensive posture, a desire to be right, over and above an individual that God was willing to be ripped, shredded, and hung for. As one author wrote, “Holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the person to die.” Paul wrote, “Forgive as The Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). My heart breaks at the thought that at times, as I am sure you have too if you are honest, I have chosen pride over a person, pride over them feeling special, pride over them hearing an apology, pride over their sanctification. If you do not forgive, you might as well not be a Christian. This is what it means to be a Christian. Apologize when you are wrong, forgive when someone else is. Pride is a cheap thrill in comparison to the value of deep, genuine relationships.


Published by B.J. Condrey, PhD

Dr. Condrey holds a Bachelor of Arts in both Philosophy and Psychology from the University of Missouri-KC, a Master of Arts in Philosophy from the University of Southern Mississippi, and a Ph.D. in Ethics & Practical Theology from the University of Edinburgh. He is ACSI certified. Dr. Condrey writes courses and teaches Psychology, Bible, and C.S. Lewis at Enlightium Academy, where he began working in 2016. He has served as a youth, young adult, and small group pastor in the local church, and currently teaches Ethics at the University of Southern Mississippi. He has a book published by Wipf & Stock (Breaking Ground) along with other publications. In his spare time, he enjoys reading and writing, spending time with his family, traveling, trout fishing, family hikes, and drinking coffee! He is passionate about helping young people construct a biblical worldview so that their faith involves both the mind and heart. He has been married since 2009 and has two children.

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