Dr. BJ Condrey

The word fellowship is everywhere in church life. We have fellowship halls, fellowship meals, and even scheduled “times of fellowship.” But for some reason, we rarely use the word friends. And yet, friendship is what people truly long for—believers and unbelievers alike.

Aristotle put it plainly: “Friendship…is an absolute necessity in life. No one would choose to live without friends even if he had all the other goods.” (Nicomachean Ethics, Book VIII). Friendship is what keeps people from feeling isolated. It’s what turns a church from a place you attend into a home you belong to.

What if, alongside our use of the word fellowship, we began intentionally speaking the language of friendship? I would love to hear church leaders say: Come, open your heart to God, and cultivate a friendship with Him and with others. May this church be the place where you build and enjoy your deepest friendships.

Because that is what we need. Friendship is the true soil of discipleship. It is what keeps us rooted, growing, and walking this journey of faith together. People leave buildings, programs, and even well-organized fellowships. But it’s much harder to walk away from real friends.

So, what if local churches made friendship their aim? Not just greeting visitors at the door, not just hosting social events, but intentionally fostering deep, life-giving friendships? Imagine small groups that feel less like Bible studies and more like family. Imagine a culture where people truly know and care for one another beyond Sunday mornings.

Friendship is what the world longs for. Let’s make sure the church is a place where people find it.

As Mother Teresa once said, “Loneliness is the leprosy of the West.” The church must be the cure.

FYI: I am aware that the word for “fellowship” in the Greek text (i.e., koinōnia / κοινωνία) is a rich word that carries the idea of intimacy. However, my issue is that we don’t really use it that way in church today. Thus, there is great value in using the word “friendship” from the pulpit, in our classes, and in the material we disseminate.