An Update: Getting Up Again

“We did not see this coming. But Daddy wants us there. Why? I don’t know. I already told you that he won’t speak to us right now.”

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So much is happening in the world right now. Brexit. Clinton vs. Trump. Black lives and white lives and “blue” lives that are no more. The world, including our country, is spinning out of control.

And then there is Allison, Ezra, and I. Granted, our problems and disappointments are relatively small when compared to others. For example, one of the Dallas officers shot and killed was married only two weeks ago. He was 27. And his wife? Well, because some loner army guy was looking for an outlet for his anger and hate, she will suffer for and hurt for the next 50 years. And you know what is ironic? Several of these officers shot and killed were fellow officers with other black officers. In other words, there are black officers in Dallas that are now suffering because of a black man who wanted to pay the “whites” back. They lost some of their friends. This is not about white and black. This is about hate. Sin. Evil in the human heart. That stuff is color-blind. Racism is only one form it takes.

I guess the only point I am making is not that there was no reason for blacks to be infuriated (there is definitely injustice in our land), but only that violence on top of more violence will only breed more and more and more violence.

Where are the Martin Luther King Jr.’s and Rosa Parks of our day?

So back to our little lives.

I did not get the Ph.D. scholarship in England. After being a finalist last Fall, two professors from this university grooming me (to some extent), moving my family to Spokane to “beef up” my resume (by teaching as an adjunct at Whitworth), and reading several books and articles to improve my 7-page Ph.D. dissertation proposal, I was not even shortlisted for an interview this time. And it gets better. Since I did not even make the interview list, no one will respond to even give me feedback.

What happened? I have no idea. But I did not get it.

So now we live in Spokane, Washington. We are not giving up yet. We will continue through the Fall to submit applications. But if I am honest, it doesn’t look good. At age 37, time is ticking for a Ph.D. At least this is how I feel.

So what is God up to? We honestly don’t know. Allison and I have constantly said to each other since moving to Spokane that God is not speaking. Not even a word. Silence. I have only heard God one time, that’s right, one time, since moving to Spokane. He told me to pick up an older guy on a street corner who looked lost. It was close to freezing. Come to find out, he needed a ride to a local shelter but due to his age, had no idea which way to go. He probably would have been stranded that night.

But that’s it. No other word.

For now, we are taking one week at a time. Helping our friends build the home-based church. Securing more opportunities to teach at various colleges/universities in the Fall. Spending a month in Texas and Mississippi to reconnect with family.

And when we get back, we have rented a house. Yep. There is a time for putting down roots, even if you don’t know for how long. We hope it is not for long. But who knows.

Here is one thing I am excited about: Daddy God is taking greater possession of my heart. I believe that one thing that is truly happening in my life is a deeper sort of surrender. He won’t speak to us right now, but he is near. I keep getting up early, delighting in his presence through the Word, dreaming dreams, loving my wife and son, and opening my heart to the fact that for now, Spokane is home.

We did not see this coming. But Daddy wants us there. Why? I don’t know. I already told you that he won’t speak to us right now. But he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t owe us anything. We are not victims. We are only brokenhearted sojourners who still refuse to quit dreaming.

For now, we are getting back on our feet, keeping our eyes on Daddy’s radical love, and wondering what he has for us. It may not be what we thought. But I know this. I want everything dot and dash and ounce and inch of what he desires in his heart to be satisfied. If God will not give me my desires, then I am sure he will change my desires to match what he has in store for his kingdom and glory.

May our hearts burn and burn and burn for his kingdom to come in all of the little bitty corners of our life so that Jesus shines brighter and brighter and brighter to all those watching.

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “An Update: Getting Up Again

  1. What he has in store for His kingdom and glory….

    Just keep your heart and mind open …

    Because you are so right – His plan is absolutely awesome for y’all!

    Like

  2. Your post reminded me of a line from a recent Christian film. A teacher was in a season of struggle and said she wasn’t hearing God. Her grandfather looked at her and said “You of all people should know that even the Teacher is quiet during a test.” Not sure if I shared that before but as a teacher myself it always resonates with me. When my students are taking a big test, maybe their state test, I can’t help but watch them with a sense of hope. I hope they do well with what they’ve learned. I’m cheering for them even though I can’t talk during that time of testing.

    Continually praying for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bj, It’s hard when God is silent. Stay strong. This part of your post hit me, “If God will not give me my desires, then I am sure he will change my desires to match what he has in store for his kingdom and glory.” Because it reminds me of what the point of that verse is to begin with…that it has nothing to do with what I, in my sinful state, desire, but what God desires for me. And about getting to a point where HIS desires ARE my desires, and my desires are no more; or at least, they aren’t as important to me as other things. When I get this right, and it is a constant struggle that, honestly, sometimes I am willing to fight and sometimes not, but when I do, things seem to fall into place. Preaching to myself this morning! Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I want to encourage you. Be strong, keep moving forward. You don’t need to know where every step is, HE does. Go ahead, you CAN do this. I BELIEVE IN YOU !

    P.S. I do miss you my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. In Psalm 22 David writes of God being silent with him.. But yet David still praised God through his suffering. He was frustrated, absolutely, but David knew that God is faithful, trustworthy & is never far. I am not well versed in scripture.. I really just began really growing just shy of a year ago.. But I know that when I’m feeling the attacks and the oppression and my nature wants to have a fit or shake my fist and yell, “Why?!”.. When I praise Him instead, it takes that clenched fist and punches the devil right in the face. I find that scenario delightful.
    I don’t claim this story but I felt it relevant.

    “In a storm at sea, apparent disaster was ahead. The son of author Robert Louis Stevenson was on board. So he went to the captain’s cabin and asked if something could be done about the bad situation. Just then the pilot turned and smiled. Stevenson’s son went back to the men and said, “I have good news.” “What do you mean?” they asked. He said, “I’ve just seen the pilot’s face, and that’s enough.” We have seen the pilot’s face, and it tells us enough to know all will be well.” -Rob B Zuck

    & He spoke through you today. An answer to a question I had.. He’s always there.. Right beside you in fact. He may be silent, but in keeping on in seeking Him in His wheelhouse (as many times as you need to climb those steps to find His presence in His word, in prayer or in worship) and taking a look at the all knowing smile on the “pilot’s” face, know that He’s got it all under control. He will bring you safely to the right port and I am learning that God doesn’t hurry at it either.. much to my chagrin at times.
    When you were speaking of how God had been silent for 6 or so months, “It is well” kept coming to mind. Whether your lot be peaceful like a river or trials and frustration like sea billows roll.. I will pray for it all to be well with your.. and also your wife’s.. soul.

    Liked by 1 person

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