So much is happening in the world right now. Brexit. Clinton vs. Trump. Black lives and white lives and “blue” lives that are no more. The world, including our country, is spinning out of control.
And then there is Allison, Ezra, and I. Granted, our problems and disappointments are relatively small when compared to others. For example, one of the Dallas officers shot and killed was married only two weeks ago. He was 27. And his wife? Well, because some loner army guy was looking for an outlet for his anger and hate, she will suffer for and hurt for the next 50 years. And you know what is ironic? Several of these officers shot and killed were fellow officers with other black officers. In other words, there are black officers in Dallas that are now suffering because of a black man who wanted to pay the “whites” back. They lost some of their friends. This is not about white and black. This is about hate. Sin. Evil in the human heart. That stuff is color-blind. Racism is only one form it takes.
I guess the only point I am making is not that there was no reason for blacks to be infuriated (there is definitely injustice in our land), but only that violence on top of more violence will only breed more and more and more violence.
Where are the Martin Luther King Jr.’s and Rosa Parks of our day?
So back to our little lives.
I did not get the Ph.D. scholarship in England. After being a finalist last Fall, two professors from this university grooming me (to some extent), moving my family to Spokane to “beef up” my resume (by teaching as an adjunct at Whitworth), and reading several books and articles to improve my 7-page Ph.D. dissertation proposal, I was not even shortlisted for an interview this time. And it gets better. Since I did not even make the interview list, no one will respond to even give me feedback.
What happened? I have no idea. But I did not get it.
So now we live in Spokane, Washington. We are not giving up yet. We will continue through the Fall to submit applications. But if I am honest, it doesn’t look good. At age 37, time is ticking for a Ph.D. At least this is how I feel.
So what is God up to? We honestly don’t know. Allison and I have constantly said to each other since moving to Spokane that God is not speaking. Not even a word. Silence. I have only heard God one time, that’s right, one time, since moving to Spokane. He told me to pick up an older guy on a street corner who looked lost. It was close to freezing. Come to find out, he needed a ride to a local shelter but due to his age, had no idea which way to go. He probably would have been stranded that night.
But that’s it. No other word.
For now, we are taking one week at a time. Helping our friends build the home-based church. Securing more opportunities to teach at various colleges/universities in the Fall. Spending a month in Texas and Mississippi to reconnect with family.
And when we get back, we have rented a house. Yep. There is a time for putting down roots, even if you don’t know for how long. We hope it is not for long. But who knows.
Here is one thing I am excited about: Daddy God is taking greater possession of my heart. I believe that one thing that is truly happening in my life is a deeper sort of surrender. He won’t speak to us right now, but he is near. I keep getting up early, delighting in his presence through the Word, dreaming dreams, loving my wife and son, and opening my heart to the fact that for now, Spokane is home.
We did not see this coming. But Daddy wants us there. Why? I don’t know. I already told you that he won’t speak to us right now. But he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t owe us anything. We are not victims. We are only brokenhearted sojourners who still refuse to quit dreaming.
For now, we are getting back on our feet, keeping our eyes on Daddy’s radical love, and wondering what he has for us. It may not be what we thought. But I know this. I want everything dot and dash and ounce and inch of what he desires in his heart to be satisfied. If God will not give me my desires, then I am sure he will change my desires to match what he has in store for his kingdom and glory.
May our hearts burn and burn and burn for his kingdom to come in all of the little bitty corners of our life so that Jesus shines brighter and brighter and brighter to all those watching.
Dr. BJ Condrey 
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